An Astrological Interview

HR Manager: “Welcome Mr. ABC. We were expecting you in the morning. Were you held up with something important?”

Candidate: “No, I was not held up anywhere. But the interview time you had fixed earlier was inauspicious. So, I postponed it by three hours.”

HR Manager: “I see. We were not aware of that. Anyway, we are not superstitious about all these as we are rationalists. Let us begin. We will introduce ourself first. He is the CFO, he is the CTO, he is the Chief Project Manager and I am the HR manager. Can you tell us something about yourself?”

Candidate: “Well, as you can see in my resume I am a Taurus sign person, born on the auspicious day of 25th April 1980, and the number of letters in my name comes to perfect ten, which is considered extremely lucky for the company hiring me. Besides, I also noticed that the company is facing north, which is very inauspicious considering the evil influence of Mars aligning with Neptune. However, with my selection you will be able to ward off the evil ….”

Interviewer-1: “Hold on please, we need to clarify something first as your application is very intriguing. You are not even twenty-four years old, hold a degree in only astrology and have no business management experience. But you have applied for a position encompassing several very senior & different corporate positions all at once. Can you please explain? We were very puzzled as we never seen a candidate like you before. This is why all of us senior managers are here.”

Candidate: “That is very simple and elementary. Age and experience does not matter when you know astrology. Never have been, never will be.”

Interviewer-2: “Interesting, but we do not abc kids understand. I am the Chief Project Manager here with about 20 plus years of experience in managing hundreds of complex projects and very difficult customers around the world. Can you tell me how you will handle any project if you were given a project manager role at your age?

Candidate: Simple. Project or people management is not a problem at all when you know astrology. I will have to first ascertain the star signs of all the people reporting into me. That is very important for ensuring teamwork. Secondly, I will weed out the ones with the same star as mine, because we will not be able to work together, nor will teamwork work in such cases. Through my astrological calculations I will know which projects will succeed, which business plans will fail, which strategies will not work, which will bomb, what is the star sign of the project manager who is destined to make the project successful, who will be contaminating the project with bad luck and so on. Next, to ensure project success, I will only take up projects that begin with the letter S, R or K as that will be suitable for my star sign. Through palm, face and mind reading I will be able to guess what the customer wants, and more importantly what he is destined to have in spite of what he is willing to pay or demand. In addition, I will also be able to predict when exactly any of my team members will resign, fall sick, get hurt, poached by the competition so that it will prevent me from churning out futile leave plans, or succession plans. I will also be able to predict the outcomes of any project meeting in advance, the auspicious time to hold project meetings and signing of contracts, or when exactly a project will get canned by someone, and so on.”